28 weeks...

Ok. I admit it. I am a turtle.

I am one of those irritating people that desires to pull into my shell until I have it all figured out. It gives me the security and comfort of being able to process privately. Then I can poke my head out when I am all composed and look like an adult. I guess that might explain the 6-7 week absence on my postings. I confess, there are neither feelings of having this all sorted out or having the emotional strength to communicate what it is like to plan and anticipate a birth and a potential death at the same time.

I will give the cliff notes of our adventures and then have to go in later and give detailed brush strokes.

We had a lovely Christmas. We have enjoyed being together. Simple. In my contemplation of the Christmas season, I have enjoyed a new kindred with Mary, the mother of Jesus. She was a Jewish girl and knew exactly what was prophecied about the coming Messiah. (If you want to be astounded read the book of Isaiah.) I am sure that she was both thrilled and terrified in many moments along the way. Today she is one of my heros.

Health wise. Kavannah is growing. About a month ago she looked great. Her size was small (actually legs, arms, and head were normal but abdomen was small). We could not see any evidence of hypoplastic heart (which was the best news!). However, in the last appointment there was evidence that something was not normal. We had extensive time with the ultra sound tech and dr. Both said something did not look normal...not hypoplastic and no back flow but something that did not look completely normal. In a normal developing heart there is still an opening where there will be a valve after birth. But, it almost seems that there is something there now. Also, Kavannah’s kidneys did look enlarged but their function seems to be good. Although, sometimes this is a correlation with a two vessel cord verses the normal three vessel cord. However, it is another something to watch. Her ompheliocite is consistent with her initial diagnosis.

My health is a bit edgy. My blood pressure is continuing to climb. We continue to increase my medication. Pray that my body would respond. A piece of good news is that although I did not pass my one hour glucose test; I did indeed pass my official three hour glucose test. As my dr. said, “Finally, a normal test!” I am encouraged to listen to my body and take it easy when I need to. (Threat of bed rest...)

On this Tuesday afternoon we will have another appointment with our fabulous Dr. Cresta Jones with a quick scan. Then we have a big pow wow with the chief Neonatologist of NICU/Specialty Care nursery, specialty care nursery coordinator, possibly chaplain, and our perinatologist. We need to discuss our current situation as well as possible birth plans & after care. We are seeking wisdom and discernment. There is quite a bit that we don’t know yet. Like...how can you measure the spirit? I have remembered how Mara had coded a couple of times after birth but she pressed on and fought through. She had two of three shots of surfactant to get her little lungs going. Press on, is the reminder!

So, in a new decade...some things are the same. Mara Mercy was inutero 10 years ago. Kavannah is inutero now. Every day miracle reminders are presented in a lovely, stringy almost ten year old who has challenges with keeping her room clean instead of struggling for every breath. There also is this little two year old tornado called Asher that was never supposed to be here in the first place. We rest between fact and faith. (By the way, I made Jim swear that we would not be expecting in the onset of the next decade ;)

Indeed, we take a day at a time. The Lord will reveal his will for us. We are in the refining fire but soon the reflection might just come out with the purity resembling the Lamb, Prince of Peace, the Lion of Judah.

We treasure each of you. Thank you for tracking us down with beautiful Christmas cards, phone calls and messages, and the visits of friends and family. I am sorry that we have missed connecting with some of you at a recent wedding in MN that we had to pass on because of my health. I’ll keep you posted after our Tuesday events.

Love to you,
Maegan for Jim, Mara, Asher and Kavannah