Have you read the new book, "I Will Carry You, the Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy" by Angie Smith? It is fabulous.
I have been following her blog since we found out about Kavannah's possibilities thanks to my friend Beth whose brother is connected to her husband. www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com I feel like Angie has mentored me, encouraged me and validated what the Lord is doing for his glory.
Oh, and here is the best part. You can get a free e-book right now from:
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/I-Will-Carry-You/Angie-Smith
(if that does not work go to www.bn.com)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
dawning on week 14
Hi friends,
It has been long. There are many posts traveling through me.
I have learned many things and continue to daily. Like the fact that I thought I knew how fragile, precious and sacred life was before this. Like now I am more comfortable with having more questions than answers. Like knowing that it is o.k. to remind yourself every day, sometimes every hour that "God is good". Like 'we all are HIS workmanship'. And, especially that grief has a long shadow.
But, as I live in this shadow there are have been times where life has insisted on the normalacies. Since I last posted, Mara has celebrated 10 years, I have resisted 40 years and Jim and I strolled through our 15th anniversary. It is hard to explain how joy and sorrow can coexist. For example, the other night I was putting Asher to bed. We were rocking and I was a little misty eyed, he started pulling his pacifier in and out (yes, he still has one!). He said, "Oh, it's broken!" I agreed and told him that maybe it was time to throw it away and reminded him that once this last little handful is gone that he is done with pacies. The response after a few rock, rocks in the darkness...."Oh, noooooo. I give you penny!" You see, last week all he wanted to sleep with was his (curious) George and an aquired penny. I clarified, "You want to trade me your penny if I let you keep your pacie?" How is it that my 2 year old has figured out currency! Life just makes you laugh out loud.
...and weep a little at the same time. We love Kavannah...thank heaven for eternity.
Ps. 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Job 13:15 Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him.
We continue to feel loved as we process Kavannah's passing. Thank you. Thank you.
It has been long. There are many posts traveling through me.
I have learned many things and continue to daily. Like the fact that I thought I knew how fragile, precious and sacred life was before this. Like now I am more comfortable with having more questions than answers. Like knowing that it is o.k. to remind yourself every day, sometimes every hour that "God is good". Like 'we all are HIS workmanship'. And, especially that grief has a long shadow.
But, as I live in this shadow there are have been times where life has insisted on the normalacies. Since I last posted, Mara has celebrated 10 years, I have resisted 40 years and Jim and I strolled through our 15th anniversary. It is hard to explain how joy and sorrow can coexist. For example, the other night I was putting Asher to bed. We were rocking and I was a little misty eyed, he started pulling his pacifier in and out (yes, he still has one!). He said, "Oh, it's broken!" I agreed and told him that maybe it was time to throw it away and reminded him that once this last little handful is gone that he is done with pacies. The response after a few rock, rocks in the darkness...."Oh, noooooo. I give you penny!" You see, last week all he wanted to sleep with was his (curious) George and an aquired penny. I clarified, "You want to trade me your penny if I let you keep your pacie?" How is it that my 2 year old has figured out currency! Life just makes you laugh out loud.
...and weep a little at the same time. We love Kavannah...thank heaven for eternity.
Ps. 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Job 13:15 Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him.
We continue to feel loved as we process Kavannah's passing. Thank you. Thank you.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
March 25, due date..
As time marches on, we are at another marker. March 25 was Kavannah's due date (40 weeks).
Jim reminds me that there never was a time when we really thought we would reach due date. He sort of does this 'Joey Tribiano' , "just forget 'bout it!"
But, it is the last date that we have on any of her ultra sound pictures. It was official to someone.
Kavannah, we miss you.
Mara had to do a project for fourth grade. The assignment was to come up with something that you could demonstrate or teach to your class (and food and paint were not allowed). Mara decided to make tie fleece baby blankets with her classmates. She decided that she wanted to do this and donate them to some place that would have babies that would need them. Her heart is so tender. She asked if she could take them back to St. Joe's (where we had Kav). Her thought was that there might be a baby born that did not have any blankets. Or maybe a baby that did not have anyone. Whew. I told her that I would consider it but might not be able to do it quite yet. We are also considering a Crisis Pregnancy center here in Kenosha. I wrestle through whether this is a faith step that I need to follow my lovely daughter back to Labor and Delivery so she can deliver her six blankets. Her middle name is Mercy...and I am abundantly proud of her.
Pray that I would be sensitive to what the Lord desires Mara to do...and me to do with this project.
This is the day that the Lord has made.
Jim reminds me that there never was a time when we really thought we would reach due date. He sort of does this 'Joey Tribiano' , "just forget 'bout it!"
But, it is the last date that we have on any of her ultra sound pictures. It was official to someone.
Kavannah, we miss you.
Mara had to do a project for fourth grade. The assignment was to come up with something that you could demonstrate or teach to your class (and food and paint were not allowed). Mara decided to make tie fleece baby blankets with her classmates. She decided that she wanted to do this and donate them to some place that would have babies that would need them. Her heart is so tender. She asked if she could take them back to St. Joe's (where we had Kav). Her thought was that there might be a baby born that did not have any blankets. Or maybe a baby that did not have anyone. Whew. I told her that I would consider it but might not be able to do it quite yet. We are also considering a Crisis Pregnancy center here in Kenosha. I wrestle through whether this is a faith step that I need to follow my lovely daughter back to Labor and Delivery so she can deliver her six blankets. Her middle name is Mercy...and I am abundantly proud of her.
Pray that I would be sensitive to what the Lord desires Mara to do...and me to do with this project.
This is the day that the Lord has made.
Monday, March 8, 2010
I just was thinking through something that I felt I should update because it is important...to me.
In Kavannah's last days with us there were several things that happened that were either perplexing or comforting...or both.
(Jan 29) A week before we found out Kavy was gone, we were in to see her with Dr. c J. We saw her breathing and everything else looked like her 'normal'. The breathing was very reassuring to me. After all my non stress tests with Asher, Jim teases me that I am sometimes better at catching things than the pros (not really..but pretty good for a lay person). (2/2)Then on Tues. we had a fetal ECHO at Childrens, with dr. Fromelt. We were able to meet on an impromptu meeting with Fetal Concerns and Dr. Leutner, a neonatologist. We had some hard but very compassionate conversations on that day.
Wednesday (2/3) we were recovering together from all our previous day's activity. Kavannah was quiet but in the past it usually took the better part of a day for her to bounce back after an active previous day. Thursday (2/4) Kav's quietness is now concerning me. I talk with dr. c J and she recommends that we go in immediately. Dr. C takes a peek by ultra sound and we all know immediately that she is gone. Dr. C says that she thinks her passing could have been Tuesday night.
In my mind, the why's and the processing starts. How could I not have known when she left me?
The entire point of this post is that upon review of photos by two of the perinatologists, they both (independent of one another) agree that she did indeed pass on Thursday morning. I feel the goodness of God in allowing me into that detail.
We can trust the Lord in our details. Profound reminder for me today.
In Kavannah's last days with us there were several things that happened that were either perplexing or comforting...or both.
(Jan 29) A week before we found out Kavy was gone, we were in to see her with Dr. c J. We saw her breathing and everything else looked like her 'normal'. The breathing was very reassuring to me. After all my non stress tests with Asher, Jim teases me that I am sometimes better at catching things than the pros (not really..but pretty good for a lay person). (2/2)Then on Tues. we had a fetal ECHO at Childrens, with dr. Fromelt. We were able to meet on an impromptu meeting with Fetal Concerns and Dr. Leutner, a neonatologist. We had some hard but very compassionate conversations on that day.
Wednesday (2/3) we were recovering together from all our previous day's activity. Kavannah was quiet but in the past it usually took the better part of a day for her to bounce back after an active previous day. Thursday (2/4) Kav's quietness is now concerning me. I talk with dr. c J and she recommends that we go in immediately. Dr. C takes a peek by ultra sound and we all know immediately that she is gone. Dr. C says that she thinks her passing could have been Tuesday night.
In my mind, the why's and the processing starts. How could I not have known when she left me?
The entire point of this post is that upon review of photos by two of the perinatologists, they both (independent of one another) agree that she did indeed pass on Thursday morning. I feel the goodness of God in allowing me into that detail.
We can trust the Lord in our details. Profound reminder for me today.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
One month, 4 peeps...
Jim came home tonight and let me know that he knows of at least four people that have come into a relationship with our Father through Jesus through hearing of Kavannah's life and journey. I have had a couple of conversations that affirmed that people "felt closer to God" through our experience. What a great reminder of the larger picture on such an eve....
bring it...Kavannah, the bringer of good news, the evangelist.
bring it...Kavannah, the bringer of good news, the evangelist.
One month
Today is one month...both in number and in day (Thursday, Feb. 4 to Thursday, March 4) since Kavannah passed on to be with the Lord.
In many ways it still takes my breath away. I spent the day at home doing laundry and pondering. I pondered what Kavannah's life is like today. What would it be like to not have to struggle with pride (because all I can think about is that this in not how "I" would have chosen to do it)? Or trying to 'formulate' God into an equation? Or have ANY of the effects of our separation from God (sin in any form)? And to have no tears or sorrow but only to understand our purpose and completion in giving glory to the Lord. It reminds me of the hymn "Oh, what fellowship!!" Indeed, what a day that will be!
I have been convicted that I do not like the words "chastening", "endurance", "suffering", or "sorrow". How much of my prayer life is spent trying to avoid these tools that the Lord uses for our refinement to bring us into healthy & holy individuals? So, today I give up. I pray that I would stop being the older brother in the 'prodigal son' story. How many times has that deterred me from seeing the Father for who He is: loving, kind, desiring all good gifts for his children who he not only loves & cherishes but is willing to lay down all of his reputation for...
Our daughter's message of Kavannah is still ringing in my ears and in my heart today. We have been blessed as a family to have had so many people acknowledge our daughter's life and our sorrow as we grieve our loss...and her eternal gain. From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you.
In many ways it still takes my breath away. I spent the day at home doing laundry and pondering. I pondered what Kavannah's life is like today. What would it be like to not have to struggle with pride (because all I can think about is that this in not how "I" would have chosen to do it)? Or trying to 'formulate' God into an equation? Or have ANY of the effects of our separation from God (sin in any form)? And to have no tears or sorrow but only to understand our purpose and completion in giving glory to the Lord. It reminds me of the hymn "Oh, what fellowship!!" Indeed, what a day that will be!
I have been convicted that I do not like the words "chastening", "endurance", "suffering", or "sorrow". How much of my prayer life is spent trying to avoid these tools that the Lord uses for our refinement to bring us into healthy & holy individuals? So, today I give up. I pray that I would stop being the older brother in the 'prodigal son' story. How many times has that deterred me from seeing the Father for who He is: loving, kind, desiring all good gifts for his children who he not only loves & cherishes but is willing to lay down all of his reputation for...
Our daughter's message of Kavannah is still ringing in my ears and in my heart today. We have been blessed as a family to have had so many people acknowledge our daughter's life and our sorrow as we grieve our loss...and her eternal gain. From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Photo Link
We were blessed with two photographers that joined us for our sacred day with Kavannah.
You may see our photos, if you are interested, by clicking on the image below or following this link:
collages.net
The login info is as follows:
Username: The Strecker Family
password: 30110-100205
(Currently, there are only photos on from one of the photographers. The other will be adding soon. )
Grab your tissues before you click to start.
Psalm 139, fearfully and wonderfully made.
with love,
the streckers
You may see our photos, if you are interested, by clicking on the image below or following this link:
collages.net
The login info is as follows:
Username: The Strecker Family
password: 30110-100205
(Currently, there are only photos on from one of the photographers. The other will be adding soon. )
Grab your tissues before you click to start.
Psalm 139, fearfully and wonderfully made.
with love,
the streckers
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Feb. 21
I have had a few requests to keep posted. This is such a journey that I never wanted to have my ticket validated for or punched for laps of use. However, I have found that there are a few things that keep me going. Mostly, Mara and Asher. I am not sure if I am doing it well but they deserve parents that are present.
Maybe the best way to tell you how I am doing is to let you know what is playing.
Steven Curtis Chapman, Album Beauty Will Rise (just the jacket is worth it for the heavy lifting of grief)
Kutlass, Album It is Well (great version if you like the words but your life is sort of electric guitar vs. pretty harps)
Sara Groves, Album Fireflies and Songs
Marc Schultz, Album Come Alive
Selah, Album You Deliver Me
And my side table reading is:
The Promise of Heaven by Randy Alcorn
When Life Comes Undone by TJ Addington
my journal
my bible
The Shaming of the Strong by Sarah Williams
The Valley of Vision, Puritan prayers and devotions
Heaven by Joni Erickson Tada
and a kid's book called SkippyJonJones...if you need to smile this one works with a two year old in your lap (you can come over and borrow the book or the book and the boy any time ;)
Know that I appreciate your prayers and the check ups. I feel like the lights are dimly on but the check engine light is not on. That's good, right?
I know that heaven is real and that my longing to be there grows daily. I now understand a few of my salty friends better. These are women who have buried children and parents and friends and husbands...and....and, they can stand on this side and still breath...but they talk about heavenly things with a fondness that makes sense to me now. This is 'first person present'.
OK. off to bed...here's to sleeping...cheers.
Maybe the best way to tell you how I am doing is to let you know what is playing.
Steven Curtis Chapman, Album Beauty Will Rise (just the jacket is worth it for the heavy lifting of grief)
Kutlass, Album It is Well (great version if you like the words but your life is sort of electric guitar vs. pretty harps)
Sara Groves, Album Fireflies and Songs
Marc Schultz, Album Come Alive
Selah, Album You Deliver Me
And my side table reading is:
The Promise of Heaven by Randy Alcorn
When Life Comes Undone by TJ Addington
my journal
my bible
The Shaming of the Strong by Sarah Williams
The Valley of Vision, Puritan prayers and devotions
Heaven by Joni Erickson Tada
and a kid's book called SkippyJonJones...if you need to smile this one works with a two year old in your lap (you can come over and borrow the book or the book and the boy any time ;)
Know that I appreciate your prayers and the check ups. I feel like the lights are dimly on but the check engine light is not on. That's good, right?
I know that heaven is real and that my longing to be there grows daily. I now understand a few of my salty friends better. These are women who have buried children and parents and friends and husbands...and....and, they can stand on this side and still breath...but they talk about heavenly things with a fondness that makes sense to me now. This is 'first person present'.
OK. off to bed...here's to sleeping...cheers.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Keep praying...
Feb. 15
I promise to post about Saturday's celebration for Kavannah's life. We were humbled by the entire process. The time was worshipful...beautiful sorrow and celebration.
The main purpose for my post tonight is to just ask for continued prayer for us. I still am not sleeping and fighting last week's infection. Asher joined me with croup that set in on Sat. night. I took him to the doctor today because he was having respiratory difficulty. Pray that he will be able to sleep tonight. If the treatment that we did with the doctor earlier does not seem effective later tonight she recommended that we head to the ER.
I feel like we are just shy of a plague or two. Pray for protection and healing.
~maegan
I promise to post about Saturday's celebration for Kavannah's life. We were humbled by the entire process. The time was worshipful...beautiful sorrow and celebration.
The main purpose for my post tonight is to just ask for continued prayer for us. I still am not sleeping and fighting last week's infection. Asher joined me with croup that set in on Sat. night. I took him to the doctor today because he was having respiratory difficulty. Pray that he will be able to sleep tonight. If the treatment that we did with the doctor earlier does not seem effective later tonight she recommended that we head to the ER.
I feel like we are just shy of a plague or two. Pray for protection and healing.
~maegan
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Wednesday Randoms
Here are some random thoughts. Pray for our family.
I do not like mastitis. And, I seem to not like the antibiotics either. Pray that my system would dry up my milk and that infection would be contained.
Asher chose this week to make his most productive days for potty training. It is wonderful but also might have been easier another 7-10 days from now. But, rejoice, he is doing great. And Mimi and Bahkah (grandpa) have made it very productive. Thank you!
We received a small refund check today from the IRS from our 2006 tax year. This is random but just makes me laugh at the absurdity of the timing. Apparently, if you over pay they can put it in a 2-3 year cd before returning it to you.
When someone has to say something over the phone about "your daughter's remains" I have realized that I get all prickly and despise the phrase.
In the New Testament there is a book called first Corinthians. Chapter 13:12. Today I emptied a sleeve of pictures that were in my purse from the end of January of Kavannah. The pictures were so vivid that it took my breath away. But, they were only 'mostly' accurate on all her facial structure. Then I was able to open up the pictures that we have from the day of her birth. The similarity was there but there was also a contrast. It made me think of this verse. Look it up ;) I wonder what everything looks like to Kavannah in all the clarity of being able to now SEE fully. Based on this, we are going to use a song called SEE by Steven Curtis Chapman in her memorial on Saturday.
And lastly, my mother in law smuggled a cauliflower here from her garden in California. This tidbit just made me laugh. One, because she did it. Two, because she talked her way out of having to pay extra for luggage weight by putting it in her carry on. And, three, that she told us the whole story. So, I guess the homeland security might need to be notified that the next bomb might be in garden produce not a shoe or an aresol canister.
Rumblings over and out!
m
I do not like mastitis. And, I seem to not like the antibiotics either. Pray that my system would dry up my milk and that infection would be contained.
Asher chose this week to make his most productive days for potty training. It is wonderful but also might have been easier another 7-10 days from now. But, rejoice, he is doing great. And Mimi and Bahkah (grandpa) have made it very productive. Thank you!
We received a small refund check today from the IRS from our 2006 tax year. This is random but just makes me laugh at the absurdity of the timing. Apparently, if you over pay they can put it in a 2-3 year cd before returning it to you.
When someone has to say something over the phone about "your daughter's remains" I have realized that I get all prickly and despise the phrase.
In the New Testament there is a book called first Corinthians. Chapter 13:12. Today I emptied a sleeve of pictures that were in my purse from the end of January of Kavannah. The pictures were so vivid that it took my breath away. But, they were only 'mostly' accurate on all her facial structure. Then I was able to open up the pictures that we have from the day of her birth. The similarity was there but there was also a contrast. It made me think of this verse. Look it up ;) I wonder what everything looks like to Kavannah in all the clarity of being able to now SEE fully. Based on this, we are going to use a song called SEE by Steven Curtis Chapman in her memorial on Saturday.
And lastly, my mother in law smuggled a cauliflower here from her garden in California. This tidbit just made me laugh. One, because she did it. Two, because she talked her way out of having to pay extra for luggage weight by putting it in her carry on. And, three, that she told us the whole story. So, I guess the homeland security might need to be notified that the next bomb might be in garden produce not a shoe or an aresol canister.
Rumblings over and out!
m
Monday, February 8, 2010
preparations...
Today was 'meet with the funeral home & then select flowers day'. For those who have been through this, you know what that means. I personally have never been on this side of that conversation with a loved one. I have a new empathy for those who have done this with their parents, a spouse, sibling, and especially a child.
I am so thankful that my kindred, Ellisa Jean, was with us today. She helps me with the secret decoder ring that I need some time to communicate with the outside world. What became perfectly clear to me today as we (Jim, Ellisa, Funeral Director and me) were wrestling with arrangements was that my deepest desire is to communicate how much Kavannah mattered to us on this earth...and now in Heaven waiting (ok, I highly doubt she is just sitting there 'waiting'...she is on to more fun things). I realize that the only space that she had taken up on this side of heaven has been in my womb. And, how do we communicate that she loved chocolate shakes, the sound of her papa's voice, and her sister's voice and that she pounded back on Asher as they were both trying to "share" my lap (siblings!), just one more time to show off in an ultrasound... and bedrest with her mom...just to name a few things.
But tonight I finally had a chance to check my messages and email. My inboxes were full. Her message got out. And some how I am overwhelmed that the Lord has created her and acknowledged her in so many ways. Thank you to each of you who have left a message either on the web or on phone. Your tenderness to our lives literally brings me to tears.
Thanks for acknowledging that Kavannah matters. Remember the meaning of her name. The name that the Lord gave to both of us before she was created. We each held the name to ourselves because we are both "infertile". When we found out we had miraculously conceived, we each secretly already knew her name. It was a fun day to reveal to each other what her name should be! Review her name & definition and ask yourself today if you are living out Kavannah.
~pray, study, love, live...
maegan
I am so thankful that my kindred, Ellisa Jean, was with us today. She helps me with the secret decoder ring that I need some time to communicate with the outside world. What became perfectly clear to me today as we (Jim, Ellisa, Funeral Director and me) were wrestling with arrangements was that my deepest desire is to communicate how much Kavannah mattered to us on this earth...and now in Heaven waiting (ok, I highly doubt she is just sitting there 'waiting'...she is on to more fun things). I realize that the only space that she had taken up on this side of heaven has been in my womb. And, how do we communicate that she loved chocolate shakes, the sound of her papa's voice, and her sister's voice and that she pounded back on Asher as they were both trying to "share" my lap (siblings!), just one more time to show off in an ultrasound... and bedrest with her mom...just to name a few things.
But tonight I finally had a chance to check my messages and email. My inboxes were full. Her message got out. And some how I am overwhelmed that the Lord has created her and acknowledged her in so many ways. Thank you to each of you who have left a message either on the web or on phone. Your tenderness to our lives literally brings me to tears.
Thanks for acknowledging that Kavannah matters. Remember the meaning of her name. The name that the Lord gave to both of us before she was created. We each held the name to ourselves because we are both "infertile". When we found out we had miraculously conceived, we each secretly already knew her name. It was a fun day to reveal to each other what her name should be! Review her name & definition and ask yourself today if you are living out Kavannah.
~pray, study, love, live...
maegan
Sunday, February 7, 2010
a side note
Mara Mercy is our eldest daughter. This is one reality that made us breathe a deep prayer of gratitude. Mara was born prematurely because I had preeclampsia with HELLP syndrome. We both nearly died.
However, the amazing thing to contemplate was that Mara Mercy was born at 3 pounds 10 ounces and 16.25 inches long. She fought for every breath and today we have a beautiful nine year old who struggles to keep her room clean but lights up a room with her gentle smile & little giggle. How often do I take for granted that the Lord spared her life?
It was powerful to hold and caress Kavannah who was born and weighed 3 pounds 12 ounces and was 16 inches long. It certainly put our lives in perspective.
Never underestimate the seeds of gratitude and mercy that you have along the journey. For me, this is one.
However, the amazing thing to contemplate was that Mara Mercy was born at 3 pounds 10 ounces and 16.25 inches long. She fought for every breath and today we have a beautiful nine year old who struggles to keep her room clean but lights up a room with her gentle smile & little giggle. How often do I take for granted that the Lord spared her life?
It was powerful to hold and caress Kavannah who was born and weighed 3 pounds 12 ounces and was 16 inches long. It certainly put our lives in perspective.
Never underestimate the seeds of gratitude and mercy that you have along the journey. For me, this is one.
Kavannah Strecker
Kavannah Strecker
Born February 5, 2010
Three pounds 12 ounces
16 inches long
We truly appreciate all those that prayed for us. It was a holy & sacred day seasoned with the sorrow that makes us long for our completion in Heaven.
The care that we received was beyond our comprehension and any human coordination. We had such sensitivity from our doctors (the amazing Dr. Cresta Jones, Dr. Carr, Dr. Stanley-Christianson, Dr. Gruppier and Dr. Foil) and some nurses, especially Bonnie! We also had two angels that came with 'Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" and captured our day with Kavannah. You have created sacred memories. I have had some of the above comment about how fortunate we are in our support people in friends and family. I totally agree. We are blessed beyond measure.
We treasure you. Kavannah has changed us forever.
Look for the finger prints of God in your life today.
Born February 5, 2010
Three pounds 12 ounces
16 inches long
We truly appreciate all those that prayed for us. It was a holy & sacred day seasoned with the sorrow that makes us long for our completion in Heaven.
The care that we received was beyond our comprehension and any human coordination. We had such sensitivity from our doctors (the amazing Dr. Cresta Jones, Dr. Carr, Dr. Stanley-Christianson, Dr. Gruppier and Dr. Foil) and some nurses, especially Bonnie! We also had two angels that came with 'Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" and captured our day with Kavannah. You have created sacred memories. I have had some of the above comment about how fortunate we are in our support people in friends and family. I totally agree. We are blessed beyond measure.
We treasure you. Kavannah has changed us forever.
Look for the finger prints of God in your life today.
Memorial Arrangements
Memorial Arrangements for Kavannah Strecker
Saturday, February 13, 2010 @ Kenosha Bible Church
5405 67th St.
Kenosha, WI 53142
Phone:
(262) 652-4507
10 a.m. visitation
11 a.m. memorial celebration
Tea Party luncheon to follow....
Please know that this is a family friendly event. Our children will join us (yes, even the 2 year old!). It may be noisy...and glorious...and you may hear "questions" out loud that would not normally be heard. :) But know that we are open to each family determining what is best in your circumstances.
Our church community here desires to serve others by loving deeply and passionately. If you are coming in from out of town and would like a host family, please contact Jill at (610)360-7672 or ddc6@wi.rr.com
Saturday, February 13, 2010 @ Kenosha Bible Church
5405 67th St.
Kenosha, WI 53142
Phone:
(262) 652-450710 a.m. visitation
11 a.m. memorial celebration
Tea Party luncheon to follow....
Please know that this is a family friendly event. Our children will join us (yes, even the 2 year old!). It may be noisy...and glorious...and you may hear "questions" out loud that would not normally be heard. :) But know that we are open to each family determining what is best in your circumstances.
Our church community here desires to serve others by loving deeply and passionately. If you are coming in from out of town and would like a host family, please contact Jill at (610)360-7672 or ddc6@wi.rr.com
Thursday, February 4, 2010
33 weeks...
It is with sad hearts that we ask for your prayers. Since seeing Kavannah at a fetal echo scan on Tuesday afternoon she has been pretty quiet. We came in today to check on her and discovered that she is home with the Lord. The doctor suspects that she passed on Tues night some time.
Please pray for us in our delivery and celebrating the next several days.
~to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.
with love,
maegan & jim
mara, asher & kavannah
Please pray for us in our delivery and celebrating the next several days.
~to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.
with love,
maegan & jim
mara, asher & kavannah
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
30 weeks and five days...Official BEDREST
Well, this is exciting.
Over the last week or so my blood pressure has been revving up regardless of a med increase and decreased activity. So...yesterday, it was decided that I am on bedrest. Thankfully, my labs came back within normal margin at this point. If I behave and my body falls into line then I can avoid: 1. being put in the hospital 2. immediate delivery of Kavannah.
There are several exciting things about being on bedrest (especially with a two year old). The crashing you hear in another room just has to remain what it is. Other examples, laundry will get folded if it walks to your bed...and put away if it walks away. There are many other things!
Prayer for:
Order in our life change.
My bloop pressure to be controlled.
Kavannah's continued development.
with love to all,
the Streckers
Over the last week or so my blood pressure has been revving up regardless of a med increase and decreased activity. So...yesterday, it was decided that I am on bedrest. Thankfully, my labs came back within normal margin at this point. If I behave and my body falls into line then I can avoid: 1. being put in the hospital 2. immediate delivery of Kavannah.
There are several exciting things about being on bedrest (especially with a two year old). The crashing you hear in another room just has to remain what it is. Other examples, laundry will get folded if it walks to your bed...and put away if it walks away. There are many other things!
Prayer for:
Order in our life change.
My bloop pressure to be controlled.
Kavannah's continued development.
with love to all,
the Streckers
Thursday, January 7, 2010
29 weeks & recap of our consult...
Well, how often have you been encouraged to gain a little weight?
Ok. If you are reading this, you know me, and you know that my answer is NEVER... That was the news that made me smile on Tuesday. The perinatologist practice that I see has about six sites. On Tuesday we were back at St. Joseph’s hospital in Milwaukee. We had not been seen there since our very first appointment in mid September. The nurse put me on the scale & did one of those medical gasps and said, “You have gained 5.5 pounds since your last appointment!” Then I gasped & looked at the chart she is holding and said, “I have not been seen here since September.” Her reply, “Oh”.
I am thankful that my weight did not do one of ‘those’ increases. That would mean that my body would be starting its preclamptic rebellion...but, it is NOT!! I am not spilling any protein, my blood pressure is being managed, and I even have been encouraged to gain a little weight and take it easy (still threatening bed rest). In a different season, this would be a welcomed vacation.
The consult on the other hand was like a brisk gust of wind on a forty below day. Jim and I were joined by our perinatologist, the neonatologist, the NICU nurse coordinator, & the chaplain. The nice thing about the meeting was being able to talk through scenarios. (Many of you may remember that Mara was born prematurely and we did not have the luxury of handling any crisis before it arrived.) We were all assembled except the Neonatologist. He came in and met us, sat down and said, “Why am I here?”
On a side note, my sister in law is a genetic counselor and has had many a consult where there are perinatologist and neonatologist both present. She warned me or reminded me about their different ‘approaches’. Once I remembered that...it was easier to screw my head on again.
The short version is that the neonatologist said the Trisomy 13 babies that have survivability are the ones that are not picked up inutero for any reason and arrive after delivery with a few ‘odd’ things that make them do chromosomal testing then. In his terms, “That is not the case you are in.” He talked about the ethicacy of ‘futility’....but that they were willing to ‘bend’ it a little. The best scenerio that he laid out was that we have her for a few days and we could bring her home if that is what we wanted. The cases that he talked about in his experience were in the three to 10 day range of survivorability. Although, he mentioned that the last case was two years ago, I think. If any of you are longing for anything rare & exclusive...I would recommend making it something besides this.
All in all, I think that we came to an understanding that we need to be able to have an open dialogue as we progress. We left it in the “we’ll see how she presents” and he looked at us as if we were fools but agreed and shrugged his shoulders. He is a member of the Board of Ethics so by having this meeting it should allow us to receive (limited) treatment. We should not have to present any of our plans to the board or any sort of panel. (He did say that there most likely is not a cardiologist in Milw that would touch her.)
Don’t get me wrong. He is a fabulous, well experienced doctor that had to tell us facts in a very black and white manner. I suspect this is his approach in life as well. I can only imagine that his breakfast conversation with his wife might be the same when trying to tell her that their favorite car is in the shop and it looks futile to repair it one more time.
From that meeting we were fortunate to receive a NICU tour and a Labor and Delivery tour. Each nurse manager that we met with was professional and precise. There is no doubt that this is a great facility.
We still need to decide about a birth plan. Will you pray for us? Currently, Kavannah is breech and has been for about a month. With Mara I had an ‘explosive’ vag delivery. With Asher I had a c-section with a hematoma complication that took over a year to reabsorb. I asked about a third option but it seems that medically there has been no recent advancements. Darn.
Kavannah looks good. They still have not figured out how to fully describe her heart. Truly, it does not look hypoplastic but it is not normal. Her aeoritic arch looks beautiful but they suspect that it might be something with a pulmonary ductus. Again, it will be one of those things that we learn about her when she presents. Otherwise, the guestimate is that she weighs 2.6 pounds and is lovely.
Thanks for joining us on this painful journey.
Love,
Maegan for Jim, Mara, Asher and Kavannah
Ok. If you are reading this, you know me, and you know that my answer is NEVER... That was the news that made me smile on Tuesday. The perinatologist practice that I see has about six sites. On Tuesday we were back at St. Joseph’s hospital in Milwaukee. We had not been seen there since our very first appointment in mid September. The nurse put me on the scale & did one of those medical gasps and said, “You have gained 5.5 pounds since your last appointment!” Then I gasped & looked at the chart she is holding and said, “I have not been seen here since September.” Her reply, “Oh”.
I am thankful that my weight did not do one of ‘those’ increases. That would mean that my body would be starting its preclamptic rebellion...but, it is NOT!! I am not spilling any protein, my blood pressure is being managed, and I even have been encouraged to gain a little weight and take it easy (still threatening bed rest). In a different season, this would be a welcomed vacation.
The consult on the other hand was like a brisk gust of wind on a forty below day. Jim and I were joined by our perinatologist, the neonatologist, the NICU nurse coordinator, & the chaplain. The nice thing about the meeting was being able to talk through scenarios. (Many of you may remember that Mara was born prematurely and we did not have the luxury of handling any crisis before it arrived.) We were all assembled except the Neonatologist. He came in and met us, sat down and said, “Why am I here?”
On a side note, my sister in law is a genetic counselor and has had many a consult where there are perinatologist and neonatologist both present. She warned me or reminded me about their different ‘approaches’. Once I remembered that...it was easier to screw my head on again.
The short version is that the neonatologist said the Trisomy 13 babies that have survivability are the ones that are not picked up inutero for any reason and arrive after delivery with a few ‘odd’ things that make them do chromosomal testing then. In his terms, “That is not the case you are in.” He talked about the ethicacy of ‘futility’....but that they were willing to ‘bend’ it a little. The best scenerio that he laid out was that we have her for a few days and we could bring her home if that is what we wanted. The cases that he talked about in his experience were in the three to 10 day range of survivorability. Although, he mentioned that the last case was two years ago, I think. If any of you are longing for anything rare & exclusive...I would recommend making it something besides this.
All in all, I think that we came to an understanding that we need to be able to have an open dialogue as we progress. We left it in the “we’ll see how she presents” and he looked at us as if we were fools but agreed and shrugged his shoulders. He is a member of the Board of Ethics so by having this meeting it should allow us to receive (limited) treatment. We should not have to present any of our plans to the board or any sort of panel. (He did say that there most likely is not a cardiologist in Milw that would touch her.)
Don’t get me wrong. He is a fabulous, well experienced doctor that had to tell us facts in a very black and white manner. I suspect this is his approach in life as well. I can only imagine that his breakfast conversation with his wife might be the same when trying to tell her that their favorite car is in the shop and it looks futile to repair it one more time.
From that meeting we were fortunate to receive a NICU tour and a Labor and Delivery tour. Each nurse manager that we met with was professional and precise. There is no doubt that this is a great facility.
We still need to decide about a birth plan. Will you pray for us? Currently, Kavannah is breech and has been for about a month. With Mara I had an ‘explosive’ vag delivery. With Asher I had a c-section with a hematoma complication that took over a year to reabsorb. I asked about a third option but it seems that medically there has been no recent advancements. Darn.
Kavannah looks good. They still have not figured out how to fully describe her heart. Truly, it does not look hypoplastic but it is not normal. Her aeoritic arch looks beautiful but they suspect that it might be something with a pulmonary ductus. Again, it will be one of those things that we learn about her when she presents. Otherwise, the guestimate is that she weighs 2.6 pounds and is lovely.
Thanks for joining us on this painful journey.
Love,
Maegan for Jim, Mara, Asher and Kavannah
Saturday, January 2, 2010
28 weeks...
Ok. I admit it. I am a turtle.
I am one of those irritating people that desires to pull into my shell until I have it all figured out. It gives me the security and comfort of being able to process privately. Then I can poke my head out when I am all composed and look like an adult. I guess that might explain the 6-7 week absence on my postings. I confess, there are neither feelings of having this all sorted out or having the emotional strength to communicate what it is like to plan and anticipate a birth and a potential death at the same time.
I will give the cliff notes of our adventures and then have to go in later and give detailed brush strokes.
We had a lovely Christmas. We have enjoyed being together. Simple. In my contemplation of the Christmas season, I have enjoyed a new kindred with Mary, the mother of Jesus. She was a Jewish girl and knew exactly what was prophecied about the coming Messiah. (If you want to be astounded read the book of Isaiah.) I am sure that she was both thrilled and terrified in many moments along the way. Today she is one of my heros.
Health wise. Kavannah is growing. About a month ago she looked great. Her size was small (actually legs, arms, and head were normal but abdomen was small). We could not see any evidence of hypoplastic heart (which was the best news!). However, in the last appointment there was evidence that something was not normal. We had extensive time with the ultra sound tech and dr. Both said something did not look normal...not hypoplastic and no back flow but something that did not look completely normal. In a normal developing heart there is still an opening where there will be a valve after birth. But, it almost seems that there is something there now. Also, Kavannah’s kidneys did look enlarged but their function seems to be good. Although, sometimes this is a correlation with a two vessel cord verses the normal three vessel cord. However, it is another something to watch. Her ompheliocite is consistent with her initial diagnosis.
My health is a bit edgy. My blood pressure is continuing to climb. We continue to increase my medication. Pray that my body would respond. A piece of good news is that although I did not pass my one hour glucose test; I did indeed pass my official three hour glucose test. As my dr. said, “Finally, a normal test!” I am encouraged to listen to my body and take it easy when I need to. (Threat of bed rest...)
On this Tuesday afternoon we will have another appointment with our fabulous Dr. Cresta Jones with a quick scan. Then we have a big pow wow with the chief Neonatologist of NICU/Specialty Care nursery, specialty care nursery coordinator, possibly chaplain, and our perinatologist. We need to discuss our current situation as well as possible birth plans & after care. We are seeking wisdom and discernment. There is quite a bit that we don’t know yet. Like...how can you measure the spirit? I have remembered how Mara had coded a couple of times after birth but she pressed on and fought through. She had two of three shots of surfactant to get her little lungs going. Press on, is the reminder!
So, in a new decade...some things are the same. Mara Mercy was inutero 10 years ago. Kavannah is inutero now. Every day miracle reminders are presented in a lovely, stringy almost ten year old who has challenges with keeping her room clean instead of struggling for every breath. There also is this little two year old tornado called Asher that was never supposed to be here in the first place. We rest between fact and faith. (By the way, I made Jim swear that we would not be expecting in the onset of the next decade ;)
Indeed, we take a day at a time. The Lord will reveal his will for us. We are in the refining fire but soon the reflection might just come out with the purity resembling the Lamb, Prince of Peace, the Lion of Judah.
We treasure each of you. Thank you for tracking us down with beautiful Christmas cards, phone calls and messages, and the visits of friends and family. I am sorry that we have missed connecting with some of you at a recent wedding in MN that we had to pass on because of my health. I’ll keep you posted after our Tuesday events.
Love to you,
Maegan for Jim, Mara, Asher and Kavannah
I am one of those irritating people that desires to pull into my shell until I have it all figured out. It gives me the security and comfort of being able to process privately. Then I can poke my head out when I am all composed and look like an adult. I guess that might explain the 6-7 week absence on my postings. I confess, there are neither feelings of having this all sorted out or having the emotional strength to communicate what it is like to plan and anticipate a birth and a potential death at the same time.
I will give the cliff notes of our adventures and then have to go in later and give detailed brush strokes.
We had a lovely Christmas. We have enjoyed being together. Simple. In my contemplation of the Christmas season, I have enjoyed a new kindred with Mary, the mother of Jesus. She was a Jewish girl and knew exactly what was prophecied about the coming Messiah. (If you want to be astounded read the book of Isaiah.) I am sure that she was both thrilled and terrified in many moments along the way. Today she is one of my heros.
Health wise. Kavannah is growing. About a month ago she looked great. Her size was small (actually legs, arms, and head were normal but abdomen was small). We could not see any evidence of hypoplastic heart (which was the best news!). However, in the last appointment there was evidence that something was not normal. We had extensive time with the ultra sound tech and dr. Both said something did not look normal...not hypoplastic and no back flow but something that did not look completely normal. In a normal developing heart there is still an opening where there will be a valve after birth. But, it almost seems that there is something there now. Also, Kavannah’s kidneys did look enlarged but their function seems to be good. Although, sometimes this is a correlation with a two vessel cord verses the normal three vessel cord. However, it is another something to watch. Her ompheliocite is consistent with her initial diagnosis.
My health is a bit edgy. My blood pressure is continuing to climb. We continue to increase my medication. Pray that my body would respond. A piece of good news is that although I did not pass my one hour glucose test; I did indeed pass my official three hour glucose test. As my dr. said, “Finally, a normal test!” I am encouraged to listen to my body and take it easy when I need to. (Threat of bed rest...)
On this Tuesday afternoon we will have another appointment with our fabulous Dr. Cresta Jones with a quick scan. Then we have a big pow wow with the chief Neonatologist of NICU/Specialty Care nursery, specialty care nursery coordinator, possibly chaplain, and our perinatologist. We need to discuss our current situation as well as possible birth plans & after care. We are seeking wisdom and discernment. There is quite a bit that we don’t know yet. Like...how can you measure the spirit? I have remembered how Mara had coded a couple of times after birth but she pressed on and fought through. She had two of three shots of surfactant to get her little lungs going. Press on, is the reminder!
So, in a new decade...some things are the same. Mara Mercy was inutero 10 years ago. Kavannah is inutero now. Every day miracle reminders are presented in a lovely, stringy almost ten year old who has challenges with keeping her room clean instead of struggling for every breath. There also is this little two year old tornado called Asher that was never supposed to be here in the first place. We rest between fact and faith. (By the way, I made Jim swear that we would not be expecting in the onset of the next decade ;)
Indeed, we take a day at a time. The Lord will reveal his will for us. We are in the refining fire but soon the reflection might just come out with the purity resembling the Lamb, Prince of Peace, the Lion of Judah.
We treasure each of you. Thank you for tracking us down with beautiful Christmas cards, phone calls and messages, and the visits of friends and family. I am sorry that we have missed connecting with some of you at a recent wedding in MN that we had to pass on because of my health. I’ll keep you posted after our Tuesday events.
Love to you,
Maegan for Jim, Mara, Asher and Kavannah
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)