dawning on week 14

Hi friends,

It has been long. There are many posts traveling through me.

I have learned many things and continue to daily. Like the fact that I thought I knew how fragile, precious and sacred life was before this. Like now I am more comfortable with having more questions than answers. Like knowing that it is o.k. to remind yourself every day, sometimes every hour that "God is good". Like 'we all are HIS workmanship'. And, especially that grief has a long shadow.

But, as I live in this shadow there are have been times where life has insisted on the normalacies. Since I last posted, Mara has celebrated 10 years, I have resisted 40 years and Jim and I strolled through our 15th anniversary. It is hard to explain how joy and sorrow can coexist. For example, the other night I was putting Asher to bed. We were rocking and I was a little misty eyed, he started pulling his pacifier in and out (yes, he still has one!). He said, "Oh, it's broken!" I agreed and told him that maybe it was time to throw it away and reminded him that once this last little handful is gone that he is done with pacies. The response after a few rock, rocks in the darkness...."Oh, noooooo. I give you penny!" You see, last week all he wanted to sleep with was his (curious) George and an aquired penny. I clarified, "You want to trade me your penny if I let you keep your pacie?" How is it that my 2 year old has figured out currency! Life just makes you laugh out loud.

...and weep a little at the same time. We love Kavannah...thank heaven for eternity.

Ps. 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Job 13:15 Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him.

We continue to feel loved as we process Kavannah's passing. Thank you. Thank you.